Tulane and Johnny opened a novelty shop
Back under the counter was the cream of the crop
Everything was clicking and the business was good
'Til one day, lo and behold, an officer stood
Johnny jumped the counter but he stumbled and fell
But Tulane made it over Johnny just as he yelled

[Chorus]
Go head on, Tulane, he can’t catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain’t man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he’s lagging behind
Go head on, Tulane

Go by your father’s house and tell him "business is slow"
And see if he will loan us something soon as you hit the door
Put the cat out in the hall and rumple up the room
Go by Doctor Keller and tell him you swallowed some perfume
Tell him we need him quick because he may have to testify
That you been sick all day, and that’s a perfect alibi

[Chorus]
Go head on, Tulane, he can’t catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain’t man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he’s lagging behind
Go head on, Tulane

Go, let Daddy drive, in case you run into the man
Back by the shop and get the stuff and hide it in the van
Go back by your father’s, get the money for the bail
And bring it down and bail me out this rotten, funky jail
We gotta get a lawyer in the clique of politics
Somebody who can win the thing or get the thing fixed

[Chorus]
Go head on, Tulane, he can’t catch up with you
Go Tulane, he ain’t man enough for you
Go Tulane, use all the speed you got
Go Tulane, you know you need a lot
Go Tulane, he’s lagging behind
Go head on, Tulane
Go head on