A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes

But youre as cold as yesterdays mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you wont nestle

A fine romance, you wont wrestle

I might as well play bridge

With my old maid aunt

I havent got a chance

This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, Ill take jello

Youre calmer than the seals

In the arctic ocean

At least they flap their fins

To express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels

With no insults and all morals

Ive never mussed the crease

In your blue serge pants

I never get the chance

This is a fine romance