Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear,
And I need a job, so I wanna be a
Paperback writer, paperback writer.

It's a dirty story of a dirty man,
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job, but he wants to be a
Paperback writer, paperback writer.

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round, and I wanna be a
Paperback writer, paperback writer.

If you really like it, you can have the rights,
It can make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here,
But I need a break, and I wanna be a
Paperback writer, paperback writer.